Letting Go...

 

Last Sunday, we gathered at my Da Jie's place to inform them on the dinner venue for my bro-inlaw's birthday. The fight between my big sis and her daughter news have been spilled all over the news when my Bro.Chai saw the ripped off school magazine and he asked about it. So slowly everyone of them told their own stories to us. After hearing their stories, my best ally/sis-inlaw Toto said that no matter how bad her boys are, they won't dare to rip off the mag or do any of this kinda action. 

"I won't let them go free with it", she told me. I totally agreed with her as Bro. Chai also mentioned to them no matter how bad the situation is, Da Jie is their mom and both of them should respect their mom fully and being filial all the time. Then they talked about 'Di Zi Gui' values that they need to attend a class to learn more about good manners and good attitudes in life to remind them again. 

Da Jie was very sad about it, she sat in my car and Bro Chai asked her how she's dealing with the problem. She said that she totally dissappointed with her and she don't know how to be a mom anymore. Rambo is very 'kepoh', he kept asking me what had happened as he missed the story behind it. I told him everything and directly told Da Jie, "It's really not your fault Da Jie. Let go of your anger and frustration. " 

Reaching at the expensive restaurant, I told Sis Toto that Da Jie was very sad about it. So Sis Toto reminded her again as we have been telling her this many times that to forget about about it. "Don't make yourself so miserable for her faults that's gonna cost your total happiness. You may not have daughters' good fortune but you have all of us as sisters and brothers who really love and appreciate you. Don't forget God has given you a second chance(brain tumour operation) of life so cherish your life to the fullest." When she was ill in the hospital, it's only all of us and her boss who have been staying really close to her.   

True, I totally agreed with Sis Toto's honest advise to her as I have seen with my own eyes Da Jie had sacrificed so much for the family, been loving to her daughters for so long and given her very best to the family but in the end, she always got heartache out from all the love and care she have poured to the family. I always told her to mix with us, esp. join Bro.Chai's Buddhist society for deeper understanding in Buddhism cultivation. "No point holding the anger or 'bara api'(fire) in yourself as it's gonna hurt you in the long run. Let go and chant Amituofo" is my last advise to her as no one can really help her but her own self.  She only needs to stay strong and move on. 

You really need to learn to let go of the 'Greed, Anger and Ignorance' that you are suffering. 1st of all, let go of the 'Greed' that you are expecting too much from your daughter, you know it's not gonna happen anyway. Once the 1st Greed poison has been removed, anger will not arise and ignorance of your suffering is not gonna happen and hurt you in anyway. This is not the 1st time the same incident had happened, it's the same old mistakes that happened again and again, it's already instilled in her character since young.  

If she cannot change her old habits, you need to change not for her sake but it's entirely for your own good because at the end of the day, you're gonna live your life and be answerable to yourself. How other people treat you badly, the bad karma stayed with them but how you reacted to it by staying calm and patient about it, the good karmas stay with you. Do not change or stop being kind just because of a bad person, even if she's your daughter as in Buddhism point of view, you'll live with your karmas and when you die, you'll be bringing it along with you to the next life. 

Just like many have said, why some people just have all the lucks and good destiny in this life is because they have cultivated all the good deeds from their  past lives and bring it over to this life. But it doesn't mean you don't have to cultivate any good deeds anymore, in fact you can do more as you're gonna reap much more innumerable good fortunes that no one can take that away from you because you totally deserves all the good fortunes. You only need to stay humble about it to keep it.

Just like Bro Cheong also mentioned to Da Jie if she cannot teach her well, let her learn her lesson from the society out there when she's working that time. See how long she can stay being egoistic in life, he told me. Yea, I agreed with him as it seems that none of us can stand with egoistic people in this circle of life. In fact, I really disgusted anyone being egoistic as it totally tarnish the reputation of a great person. I definitely would tell them off as to remind them that it's so wrong of them to go on living like this as it's for their own good to eradicate the ego inside of them.

Ego is always the root culprit of everything that can happen which caused all the misunderstandings and arguments. When I knew the person is egoistic, very seldom that I would stay in any connection with them. In fact, I only speaks and being close to all my bro+sis' daughters and sons who called me, "Jiu Mu"(Aunt), and they all did except her. I knew her too well and being a humble Buddhist, I never expect her to call me also as I don't need any status calling or forcing any respect from anyone so I never really into talking to her unless she talk to me as she's the only one who never call anyone, none of us even her mom. 

So take it or leave it, you need to accept it. Let her be herself if that makes her happy as when you least expect anything from anyone, you won't feel frustrated with them. Be more forgiving and try to let go of the incident that happen as you know it's not your fault but sometimes it's all due to others who are being difficult and drag you into their troubles. So get rid of it asap and mix with only positive people who can uplift you in many ways. There are many good people around you anyway. Da Jie managed to smile after all the love and care we gave to her. 

When Sis Toto show me all her wazzapp messages with her friend GK and how she's trying so hard to cope with the rejection she had to deal with her and she felt bad about it. I told her directly she really need to confront her friend honestly just like what I told my friend the same treatment with my family also that we don't have the time to do any direct sales with the workloads we have and we prefer to have a simple life with working days Mon-Fri, Saturday+Sunday and public holiday we all prefer to have simple holidays with occasional Buddhist activities to keep us happy would be good enough. We wana earn and learn but in our comfortable way of living it. 

Just lead a simple life with 'Amituofo' path of life will never go wrong in this life I reminded her again and so she's feeling good back to her normal self again. Living seems to be complicated for many as sometimes people are not honest enough to each other, too obligated or too attached with something/someone that is not supposed to be. As long we're honest to others without hurting the other party feelings with much consideration and you know that you have did your very best to fulfil every details about it, 'Tin Ji, Lei Ji, Ngo Ji'(the famous Cantonese quote of the God knows, you and I know) is good enough. No need to explain much about it as sometimes, the truth will gonna be revealed anyway. Just stay true to yourself will do!